she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
