My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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