Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
