You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
