I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
