nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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