either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
