someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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