I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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