There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
