he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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