I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
