I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
