What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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