I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
