So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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