My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
