I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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