youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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