I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
