It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
