What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
