Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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