tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
