I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
where are my eyebrows?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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