Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
