i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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