my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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