Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
