I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
