Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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