I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
