It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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