I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
