trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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