I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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