I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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