I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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