I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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