While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
