there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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