I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
