Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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