you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Are we still banned from the library?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
