It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
