Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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