you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
