u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
