And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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