oh god the rape fog is back!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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