There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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