Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize