I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
