Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
