Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
