Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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