I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
