I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize