thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
