it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
