Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
