Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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