apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
