In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
