You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
