dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
