Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
