for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
