so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
