I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
