Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
