It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
