This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
