Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
