I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
