My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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