Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
