Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize