hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
