38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
