I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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