You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
