I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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