I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
