Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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