I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
