im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
