wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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