I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
