Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
