Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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