So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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