I just saw a hot homeless man
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
